You ban it, they'll want it

I heard about a school in the UK who recently implemented a new policy with regards to smoking. They take away the kids cigarettes, on arrival in the morning, but then give them back twice during the day.  They had gotten tired of running around after kids trying to stop them from smoking, and therefore decided on the approach of a controlled environment with a set time and space to be allowed to smoke.

Of course this opened the debate of whether this policy will reduce smoking or whether they are actually encouraging the kids to smoke. I think the majority of people calling in (I heard it on the radio) where totally shocked and horrified by this news. Indicating they think it’s a bad plan and how crazy the school must be to do that.

Soooo I must be crazy or stupid too then because it certainly makes sense to me.

Obviously, like any good parent, I hope my boys won’t smoke one day. I most certainly will advise them not to start because it is a health risk, an expensive one at that, and because I know just how hard it is to quit. But can I forbid it? When I smoked. So did their dad… and their uncles, aunt, oumas and oupas.  What message would I be sending them by making it off limits? And more importantly am I naïve enough to believe they won’t smoke just because I tell them not too. Don’t think so.

I don’t believe the schools policy encourages kids to smoke any more than they already do or to even start smoking. On the contrary I think when something is allowed it becomes a lot less attractive to kids. According to evolutionary psychologists children are genetically programmed to go against everything their parents stand for. This is essential for them to break away and start their own ‘tribes’ or can you imagine how poor the survival rate of us humans would’ve been due to inbreeding issues. 

And THAT is why reverse psychology works.  

If you say it’s okay, they won’t want to.

Remember what it was like being a child. All you wanted was to be in control, of something, anything, so kids will control what they can. If we as parents don’t give them some healthy control we shouldn’t be so surprised when things go haywire.

We want our children to grow up big and strong, healthy and happy, preferably scar free and picture perfect…but the universe has other plans for them.

What we want and what they need are two different things. We want to bubble wrap them and keep them safe and innocent. They need us to teach them about life, real life, let them fall, get hurt and in the process learn about consequences and how to consider them when trying to make a wise decision.

Educate them, give them the facts:

Smoking is social, smoking gives you something to do with your hands when you are nervous, smoking may help “calm” you down before an exam or after a fight, smoking is an excellent ice breaker, fresh cigarette smoke smells divine, a cigarette can complete a delicious meal… but on the other side of the fact coin you have old stale smelly smoke, smelly hands and clothes, stinky breathe, yellowed teeth, tongue and fingertips, damaged lungs and an emptier wallet and most importantly once you get hooked cigarettes will control you. You cannot leave the house without checking whether you have your ciggies with you, if you go to a remote holiday destination you’ll have to calculate how many packs you will need and you won’t share because heaven forbid you run out. Some people stick to social smoking while others become chain smokers, for some it’s as easy to stop as it was to start while for others it may become a lifelong battle.

Then trust that they will make a wise decision. It may not be what you want but it will be the best choice for them because they are not going into it blindly.

If they don’t smoke – celebrate and do a silent happy dance in your head.

If they do decide to smoke, encourage them to do it in front of you, at home, in their rooms even. Cause if they are tempted to try it, they will find a way, so rather keep it as safe as you possibly can.  

Smoking kills but so can driving, flying, walking, showering, eating…. The message we must send is not that it kills, but that when it does kill, it does it slowly and painfully.