Children
like knowing what the boundaries are, it makes it easier for them to behave the
way we expect them too. Makes sense doesn’t it. Consistency is key, without it
their little worlds are all over the place which is certainly not a great
feeling to have. And it prepares them for a life that lets face it is all about
adjusting your behaviour to boundaries.
At
the end of the day life is all about the choices we make. Yet we give our
children very little practise in making choices when they are young, but expect
them to make all the right choices when they are older.
Natural
consequences, not threats, warnings or punishment is the best teaching tool. Admittedly
it is pretty hard not to revert back to threats and warnings because that is
what you know and sometimes it’s the easier option for you as the adult but in
the long run you will lose out and so will your kids. We need to bite our
tongues, we need to turn away, we need to calm down and think what will be the
best natural consequence for what has just happened.
Bad
things generally happen without warning. Which kid will be better prepared for
real life and the obstacles they will cross? The one who got plenty of warnings
over and over or the one who learnt quite quickly that his actions have
consequences and not all of them are so cool.
Our
job as a parent is to equip our kids with all the tools they need to succeed in
life. So what are those tools? Do we all agree on what is essential? Self-esteem,
good manners, likeability, positive attitude, ability to make wise decisions,
responsibility, empathy, curiosity and perseverance are some of the traits I
think are necessary to be a success. Are these things we can teach our kids?
Good manners and self-esteem lead to likeability which helps cultivate a
positive attitude. Curiosity and perseverance will lead to making wise
decisions and wise decisions will result in a desire to take responsibility for
those decisions. Empathy lies at the heart of it all. The ability to see
someone else’s point of view. It’s more than that though, not only seeing it
but trying to understand, tolerate it and accept it as that persons reality.
How
do you teach empathy, by showing empathy.
How do you show empathy? By
letting your kid know, you know he wants to eat chocolate for breakfast and you
understand the feeling, because you too would love to have chocolate for
breakfast, but breakfast is either otees, toast or of course there is always
the option of NoTHING.
