The dictionary defines the word parent as a person’s mother or father, which is simple enough… you either are or you aren’t. It’s that black or white. It also defines parent as a company or organisation which owns or controls a number of subsidiaries. Now I know what you’re thinking, “what’s that got to do with being a parent to a kid?” Well, I think we could learn something from the business world, because in a few ways parenting is very similar to running a business. It may even help us ease the grey area that is parenting.
Think about it.
As a parent company you may offer your subsidiaries financial backing or you may share your skill set with them, you definitely would try and teach them which business strategies work and which don’t. The first few years of any new business is crucial and I can imagine it would be during this time that as a parent company you would be hovering over your subsidiaries, watching, making sure they are on the right track. Some parent companies may intervene when they feel it’s necessary while others may not. Most parent companies hang around in the background, expecting their subsidiaries to take responsibility and deal with the consequences of their own choices. The subsidiaries are responsible for taking the knowledge and skills provided by their parent and applying it in such a manner as to make a success of themselves. Of course they will think they are smarter than their parent and will believe that they can do things quicker, easier even better. And on many occasions may be right, they certainly will improve on certain ideas but they are also going to make mistakes. At which point some parents will bale on their subsidiaries by either selling them off or closing them down, while others will spread their wings and nurture them back again.
Sound familiar?
I believe we only have about 6 or 7 years to give our children the necessary tools and core values, which they will then have to hone and apply by themselves, in order to grow into the successful adults we hope for them to become. We teach by example, we teach with love and empathy, we teach by providing boundaries and by applying discipline strategies. However, at a certain point this window of teaching closes, at which time we have to stop teaching our kids and start supporting them. We have to take a step back and see how they fair on their own. Let them take the front seat and run with the knowledge they have acquired. They will be able to do this with confidence safe in the knowledge we are always near by. This is the time for us to support them by just being there, in the background, hovering, watching, ready to give advice when asked, empathise when things go wrong and help them find ways of correcting their mistakes. Of course our children will be influenced by trends, by teachers, by peers, by the social media and all we can do is encourage them to follow their hearts, possibly try and nudge them in the right direction but mostly we just have to have a lot of faith that we taught them well enough.
Luckily the balance of power stays in our hands for a while longer, even if our level of influence shifts. As we are the ones providing the financial backing, along with any necessary hardware…
Parenting will always remain a grey area, as there will never be a right or wrong way of raising kids. There may be a slightly better or worse way, depending on your perspective, but there really is no right or wrong way. So the best advice I can give myself and you, is to stop worrying about whether we are doing it right, start accepting that we are going to make mistakes and our kids are going to make mistakes, which is actually great because success is bred from failures, but mostly cherish the first 6 years with them as those are the only years you really have your kids to yourself. During that time just be a good-enough parent for your children and watch them flourish.
