Every
parent wishes they had well behaved children, because that is what we dream of,
even though deep down we know every child is going to misbehave, because that
is what children do.
What I wonder about is how many of us really think
about why our kids misbehave.
I believe the theory that kids misbehave for
two, actually make that three, reasons:
1. They don’t understand what is expected of them.
2. They are simply trying to learn about the
world and don’t realise what they are doing can be labelled as misbehaviour.
3. They know exactly what they are doing and
what the reaction will be so you can deduce that they are trying to exert some control
and in so doing feel powerful by causing us to go red in the face and lose control.
Thinking about these 3 points, don’t you wish
you could react differently when they misbehave? It certainly makes me see
things from a different perspective.
A change in attitude, can make our dream of well-behaved
kids come true.
1. As parents we need to be clear about setting the
boundaries and consequences from day one and we must be consistent so that our
kids know what is expected of them and believe what will happen if they chose
to step over the line.
2. We need to encourage them to experiment and
when things do go wrong help them to see why it’s wrong and how they are going
to fix it. After all life hands out consequences not punishment.
3. By not giving them the reaction they want, i.e.
turning red in the face and losing control, we take the control back from them
and take all the fun of misbehaving out of the equation.
Sounds easy enough, but even I know it can be
hard.
The trick is to stop and take a moment, whenever
you feel like losing control, and think about the following: Why are you really
angry, is the anger justified and is angry going to get your child to listen in
the future?
9 out of 10 times you’ll see the anger is indirectly
directed at yourself, very seldom is it justified and it will hardly ever result
in a long term reaction.
There are way more effective ways to get your
point across.
