Anger

I’ve been reading a library book for my boys, called “when I woke up I was a Hippopotamus” about a boy who imagines he is all sorts of different things at different times of the day (all of which are causing the parents grief), so near the end of the story the parents come charging into the boys room to tell him off for making too much noise (he is a Giant busy crushing a small village). He imagines them to be dragons breathing fire and wagging scaly fingers.

Scary image? But also an eye opener, because from a toddler’s perspective that is quite possibly what they imagine us to be at the times when we are busy scolding them.

A few days ago I saw my husband get angry with our oldest, and all of a sudden the dragons in the story came to mind and for a moment I saw it from my 5 year olds perspective and it was scary. Was it necessary? Was it affective? I have my doubts on both counts.

Watching that episode I can understand why experts say children do not learn while in a place of fear.

Anger, shouting, punishment do not provide our children with the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Think about it, when you feel scared you get defensive and you want to blame someone or something for whatever got you into that position. And getting defensive usually results in you getting angry too and trying to find ways to get back at the person who put you on the spot. Resulting in a vicious circle of negative behaviour and very little constructive learning. You do not hear reason, so you cannot act reasonably.

Think about how you would react if your boss towered over you, shouting and screaming about some project you did not complete on time or got all wrong. Then imagine that same boss calmly discussing the issue with you. Which do you think would be more affective, which boss would you try harder to please in the future and which ones next cup of coffee will contain a little something extra?

We don’t always treat our kids with the respect they deserve, we treat them…well… like children.