Birth stories

Since giving birth to my two boys I can no longer watch a birthing scene on TV without thinking WTF are you people talking about? It's so not like that.

Or maybe it is... for others.

After all we are all unique, which means each birth story will be unique and perhaps there are ladies out there who do get a TV birth.

I just wasn't one of them.

My two times were certainly different. One with drugs, one without. One took a good couple of hours, one was over in a blink of an eye. One had music and ambience, the other was a blur of pain - guess which one was which.

I must be honest I don't recall many details of either birth. I don't recall how I felt the first time they were placed in my arms. I don't recall staring into their eyes falling madly and deeply in love. Not even sure what the first thing was that I said to them.

I wonder if my hubby remembers.

With my eldest I do remember feeling like I was drowning, not able to get a breath. I remember feeling exhausted afterwards. With my youngest I remember feeling the pain was so intense I needed someone to stop it, or take it over cause I couldn't anymore. I remember forgetting that pain quite quickly once it was over though. The miracle of nature.

I remember the first night with my eldest was long and scary, my first night with my youngest was also long but it was a lot less scary -  amazing what a difference 2 years of motherhood does for ones confidence.

I didn't want any photos to be taken or a movie to be made... not sure why... but in hindsight I wish I had. Even though I was the most important person in the room I think I was the least present, the least aware of what was happening around me or to me. Perhaps we drift to another dimension in order to get through the experience,  perhaps our brains are trained not to file any memories of a birth or a second child will never be on the cards. I don't know if it is just me that remembers it in such a haze but it would actually be quite interesting to see it from another perspective.

Maybe I should just watch those TV births and own the events as my own...

Poem for my mom !!!

Of all the moms I know

You are the most magnifico

You take everything in your stride

Always been right there by my side

To share my sorrows and my joys

Spoiling first me and now my boys

But more than that you give us love

You deserve so much more

Like an eagle you soar

Higher and higher, above the rest

Cause you simply are the best

Your stories and wise words

Always keep me moving forwards

But more than that you give me love

Your beauty and grace

To be seen reflected across your face

Someone to look up to

In everything you are and do

Plenty of dreams you had for me

I only hope you like what you see

But more than that you gave your love

I think of you whenever I see the moon

Be it at midnight or high noon

The legacy you’ll leave behind

Always and forever to be kept in mind

Mamma, you are super special

You deserve more than just one medal

But more than that you have our love

I love you and thank you .

The hardest part of parenting

Knowing your children are going to get hurt, be heartbroken and knowing that there is nothing you can do to stop it. All you can do is be there to hold them. Silently. 

Sometimes I feel like Joy from the movie Inside Out – I want all their memories to be golden. But  just as Joy needed to realise that Sadness played an important part I need to keep on reminding myself of the same thing. It’s a bit like the poem / blessing – not sure of the origins but it goes like this:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger

I wish you enough gain to satisfy  your wanting

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess

I  wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye .

It’s all about balance. Yin and Yan. You cannot experience or appreciate the one side of a continuum without the other. My life is certainly richer because of the hardships I’ve endured and survived, so I shouldn’t want to deny them the same. I guess my fear is that I’llwon’t equip them with the right tools to be able to endure and survive.

Huggie Monster - explained

Huggie Monster is a game we play with the kids - it's a game I originally came up with, but with time it got a life of its own and just keeps evolving.

It started with me pretending to be a monster who loves hugs and will do anything to get them.

The boys would stand on our bed and I would try and grab them, growling and snarling waving my arms about trying to reach them, while they try to dodge me. When I do get hold of them I'd give them a big bear hug and shake them around a bit. Sometimes I'd pretend to gobble them up, soliciting squeals of laughter.

Then Daddy brought in "the claw" and they would stand at the head of the bed trying to avoid his tickling claw. 

At some point I started to flip them over in a cartwheel or have them lie on their backs, grab their legs, lift and flip them over onto their tummies. Then we introduced "hoopie le" or dogpile, which I believe is the English word for the game, and took turns being at the bottom or on top.

Next came the dip. I would dip them back while their feet stayed on the edge of the bed and then fling them forward. Then one night after bath time we rolled them up in their towels and then flicked them out again. This progressed to rolling them up in the duvet. Leo calls this move "Hot Wheels". At one point Leo wanted to stand on his head and hook his legs over my shoulders, stand like that for a minute and then flop over and land on his tummy. Another move was one where they would come running and I would either catch them, swing them to the side and throw back on the bed or gently push against their chests, causing them to fall over.

Some of the newer moves. Rolling off the side of the bed into my waiting arms, nearly dropping to the floor and then lifting / throwing them back onto the bed. Spinjitzu, were they stand with their hands in prayer pose and then I spin them by the shoulders, and Air jitzu which involves dipping them back (their hands in prayer position) and then they "spin" themselves when I throw them forward.

The latest, and much loved, addition to the game is them lying on their tummies side by side, heads at the far end of the bed. We then point and say "look a snail" and proceed to pull them very slowly across the bed. "Look a racing car or speed boat" results in a fast pull. "Look a bunny"  we bounce their legs up and down while pulling back. "Look a snake" slowly side wind them across the bed. "Look a twirly wirly worm" we''ll flick them over by the legs (sideways) "Look a roly poly" they do bollamakieses across the bed. "Look a monkey" they turn around and we pull them across by their arms and then pull them up and try and flip them over on to their backs. And finally "Look a train" we pull and push while making train noises.All the actions need to be accompanied by noises - it's just not the same done in silence.

What I love most is the enthusiasm and excitement the promise of this game still ignites.

Especially with Leo (5), Lucca still plays with and enjoys it as much as before, but I wonder for how long it will last (he is 7 now).  It's our family time together and always involves giggles, big belly laughs and lots of cuddles. We have the occasional accident and tears but we all know if we play we must be prepared to get hurt as it is roughhousing.

When I feel the kids are getting cranky we play huggie monster to fill our love tanks, to reconnect and refresh all our moods.  It usually works. And if they are not done yet Leo will say his tank is only this full - holding his hand to his chin - so I ask how many more turns till its full full - five!

And off we go again.....

I even ended up making them Huggie Monsters, which were supposed to help keep them in their own beds at night. They are soft and cuddly monsters with long weighted arms that they could wrap around themselves for a hug if they felt scared or alone.

They love them, but it didn't quite work as I hoped... at least they leave them behind when they come crawl in beside me :-)

Life : pre and post kids

Life before kids:

Set alarm for 6:30, shower, eat breakfast, catch a bus at 7:30 in order to be at work by 8:30. Sit in on meetings, listen to customers complain or bask in their praise,  try to solve problems, have “smoke” breaks with my colleagues, eat a healthy lunch, leave work at 17:00 to get home sometime after 18:00 to cook/enjoy dinner, watch TV, catch up with hubby or read and then off to bed by 22:00 for my much needed 8 hours of sleep.

During my 2 hour commute to and from work I would listen to music, read, doze off or chat with hubby. In between bus rides I got to people-watch at a seriously busy International airport with the occasional Starbucks coffee run (especially in winter when the bus's where due to be delayed)

Weekends meant no alarm, sleeping late or afternoon naps. We could go to the movies or try new restaurants on the spur of the moment. Play squash, go for a cycle, enjoy winter beach walks or summer braai's with friends. Spontaneity was the name of the game.

Life post kids:

No alarms needed as one or both boys wake up round 6, whining for juice…during the week I give myself 30 minutes to shower and eat breakfast in relative peace and quiet. As the boys are busy eating and either watching TV, or playing on daddy’s game (which means watching Youtube video clips on the playbook). I pack their snack boxes and make sure their school bags are ready. Get them dressed and we're out the door at 7:10, drop Lucca and then Leo at school and get to work just after 8.

My time at work is pretty similar to before kids - except I know work in HR, but the 4 years I was a stay at home mom was something else. (a story for another day)

Home time varies but I'm usually rushing down the mountain to get Leo first and Lucca - either from Karate or School - except Tuesday's when they are with my mom. Once we're home we enter the haze of supper, homework, bath time, huggie monster or reading books and finally bedtime. By about 20:30 we have the house to ourselves.

Then the question is what do you do… watch TV, read a book, tidy up toys, pack the dishwasher, prep a load of laundry for tomorrow, bond with hubby, bath, sleep arghhhh the choices they are many… pity the amount of time is little as I still try to get to bed by 22:00. Not for my munch needed 8 hours of sleep (cause that no longer exists) but for my few, even more needed,  hours of uninterrupted sleep before one or both boys make their way to our bed. From then on it’s a restless night’s sleep, till my alarm goes off at 5:45. (I lied, I still set an alarm, because with my luck the day I don’t my boys will sleep till 8.) At one time it ways always a surprise who wakes up where, we just loved playing musical beds at night. But luckily that has improved.

The last full, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep I got must have been in January 2008.

Would I trade it all to go back – Never!

Then I'd miss out on the most adoring looks, sound of their laughter, their angelic smiles, and the feel of their warm bodies against mine as they sleep, the sheer excitement when they get something simple like juice or a chocolate or when we're going to play huggie monster.

I may have sacrificed some things but I've gained so much more.

Brain development

Every parent should read "Parenting from the inside out" by Dr Daniel Siegel or if they do not like reading or don't have the time go search for Daniel Siegel on Youtube and educate yourself with his various video clips.

Knowing how your childs brain works - hell knowing how your brain works - will make parenting that much easier and more fun.

Very interesting stuff....life changing ideas.

The average toddler laughs 4000 times a day. The average adult... 4!

There is nothing more special than watching and listening to my boys laugh. I cannot help but wonder at what point do we start taking life so seriously that we stop laughing with such abandon? And more importantly how do we make sure the same does not happen to our kids?