Since giving birth to my two boys I can no longer watch a birthing scene on TV without thinking WTF are you people talking about? It's so not like that.
Or maybe it is... for others.
After all we are all unique, which means each birth story will be unique and perhaps there are ladies out there who do get a TV birth.
I just wasn't one of them.
My two times were certainly different. One with drugs, one without. One took a good couple of hours, one was over in a blink of an eye. One had music and ambience, the other was a blur of pain - guess which one was which.
I must be honest I don't recall many details of either birth. I don't recall how I felt the first time they were placed in my arms. I don't recall staring into their eyes falling madly and deeply in love. Not even sure what the first thing was that I said to them.
I wonder if my hubby remembers.
With my eldest I do remember feeling like I was drowning, not able to get a breath. I remember feeling exhausted afterwards. With my youngest I remember feeling the pain was so intense I needed someone to stop it, or take it over cause I couldn't anymore. I remember forgetting that pain quite quickly once it was over though. The miracle of nature.
I remember the first night with my eldest was long and scary, my first night with my youngest was also long but it was a lot less scary - amazing what a difference 2 years of motherhood does for ones confidence.
I didn't want any photos to be taken or a movie to be made... not sure why... but in hindsight I wish I had. Even though I was the most important person in the room I think I was the least present, the least aware of what was happening around me or to me. Perhaps we drift to another dimension in order to get through the experience, perhaps our brains are trained not to file any memories of a birth or a second child will never be on the cards. I don't know if it is just me that remembers it in such a haze but it would actually be quite interesting to see it from another perspective.
Maybe I should just watch those TV births and own the events as my own...
