Yelling

When do you yell the most? 

I've figured out with me it's usually when I am super tired or impatient because I am in a hurry, because I wanted to snooze for 5 more minutes, because I was so super tired.

If I stop to think about it I realise more often than not I am yelling about something l normally would not bat on eye about. More often than not it actually has nothing to do with the kids but everything to do with me at that moment.

There must be a better way.  Yelling certainly won't help to regain control of ourselves or the situation. 

People say stop and count to 10, or take a few deep breaths.... all very sound advice. 

However, before any of that will work I've figured out you need self awareness first.

You need to be able to catch yourself before you start yelling, in order to take that deep breath or count to 10. So if you are not self aware the yelling will always come first. And that right there is the tough part - learning how to live in the now, being aware of your feelings and triggers so you can avoid them before those buttons get pushed. 

If anyone finds an easy route to get to that space - please fill me in :-) 

Till then let's try and keep the yelling to a minimum and when it does slip out don't be to proud to apologise and own your shit. 

Kids and sex

The other day I overheard Lucca and Leo talking in the bath. Not sure how they got on the topic but I heard Lucca say to Leo “ you don’t want to lose your tottie, you need it if you want to get married, have children and for sex”  Curious as to where he picked it up I was dying to ask, but instead I just let it slide. 

On a previous time he was playing in the bath with Leo and told Leo to pour water over his penis as it feels better than x-e-x. I’m like “what did you just say” Lucca: “ pouring water on your tottie is beter than x-e-x” I’m quite dumbfounded and almost want to say it’s not x-e-x but s-e-x then I stop myself and think no – he obviously heard this from a friend at school and just now tomorrow he runs off to school and tells all his friends my mommy says it S-E-X. So I just stay calm and say yes it does.

Lucca must have a few friends at school with older brothers and sisters as he has come home from school with the most random stuff, that I thought would only happen later (not in first grade) 

First the one night after the bath he stands by the fireplace and starts thrusting his hips. When I ask him what are you doing – he says he is sexting the fireplace. I say that’s cool but just be sure you don’t burn your tottie and sexting is better kept for the bedroom. Then a few days later he is standing behind Leo in the kitchen, holds onto his shoulders and starts thrusting from behind. I ask what are you doing. He says he is showing Leo what humping is. I say cool , but humping is something grown-ups do. So he says but you and daddy never do it, I said yes we do, we just do it in the privacy of our bedroom.

I don’t want them to grow up with an unhealthy relationship with sex. I want them to know its natural, pleasurable and they can follow up on their urges as long as it is in private and consentual, when the time comes. 

Kids are curious and you must satisfy their curiosity or they may go look for answers elsewhere. 
But how much do you tell them and when is the question. Something all parents wonder about. The tips I've picked up that make the most sense are: Follow your gut and only answer the question they are asking. Don’t elaborate unnecessarily. 

Good luck !

Bath time

It’s been ages since I took a bath with the kids. Reason being I like a really hot bath, and they don’t, plus they are getting bigger so space is becoming an issue, and finally when I do get in the bath I want to submerge to my chin, not sit in a puddle of water.

But the other day I got a bee in my bonnet and hopped in the bath with Leo. Then Lucca decided to join, we were having fun, albeit feeling a little squished, when all of a sudden Leo says mommy there’s poefie…. Yip my kid took a dump while I was in the bath with him….. yet one more reason to stay on the outside.

Must have been a sight for hubby… the three of us standing tippie toe in the bath trying to catch stray poefie while draining the water so we could start all over again. Luckily it was not mid-winter or we’d be shivering our bits off too.

So after the poo escapade we run some more water and carried on bathing.

Leo has already gotten out of the bath; Lucca is still lying next to me and wants to touch my boobs, so I say “Please don’t play with my boobies”. Leo standing next to the bath says “I want to play with your boobies” I say “No, only Daddy can play with my boobies.” Leo says “Okay” and heads off to the lounge to call his dad. I hear him saying “Come Daddy you may play with mommy’s boobies.” Bless his heart.

( not sure when I wrote this, think 2014 - when we were still in our Waterbosch house)

Power of words

In my world, at this point, there are no words sweeter or more powerful than “Mommee do you want to cuddle?” from my 5 year old or “Mommee. I love you” from my 3 year old.

They contain the power to melt my heart, wash away all negative emotions, while turbo boosting me with a flood of positive energy.

So simple, so honest, so pure, so perfect.

Thank you!

( also must have written this in 2014)

Bad mother vs good mother

Leo wakes up at 5:30 wanting to go to the loo. I mumble something about having a nappy on, so it’s fine, just make a wee. But he insists. After a restless night and way too little sleep the last thing I feel like doing is getting up, if I don’t really have to, I mean he has a nappy on… but he is in the process of potty training and slowly starting to get the feeling of when he needs to go, running to the loo shouting “Come quick. Weewee is coming out” So the good mother on my left shoulder flicks the bad mother on the right saying get your lazy ass up out of bed and take your son to the loo.

So that’s what I do, and he is sooo proud of himself.

Then a few minutes later, he gives me this funny look of indignation, lifting his arms in that questioning-type shrug “I need to weewee again ?” 

Too funny for words.

(Not  sure when I actually wrote this - probably sometime in 2013. )

Contradictions

Parenting leads to many contradictions. One being the issue of kids in the bed.

I love waking up in the morning to the  realisation "I don't have any kids in the bed", "space wondrous space", but how I long for their cuddles as I fall asleep at night. Feeling their little bodies tucked into mine. Their backs pressed against my tummy or at times back to back. Hearing their breath, feeling their heart beat. Or a tiny arm snakes it's way around your neck or tummy and squeezes just that little bit. Their warmth, their love - moments you wish you could freeze in time because like many things these types of cuddles are numbered.

At least Leo promised to need me till he gets to grade 10. So I have a few years left.

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Birth stories

Since giving birth to my two boys I can no longer watch a birthing scene on TV without thinking WTF are you people talking about? It's so not like that.

Or maybe it is... for others.

After all we are all unique, which means each birth story will be unique and perhaps there are ladies out there who do get a TV birth.

I just wasn't one of them.

My two times were certainly different. One with drugs, one without. One took a good couple of hours, one was over in a blink of an eye. One had music and ambience, the other was a blur of pain - guess which one was which.

I must be honest I don't recall many details of either birth. I don't recall how I felt the first time they were placed in my arms. I don't recall staring into their eyes falling madly and deeply in love. Not even sure what the first thing was that I said to them.

I wonder if my hubby remembers.

With my eldest I do remember feeling like I was drowning, not able to get a breath. I remember feeling exhausted afterwards. With my youngest I remember feeling the pain was so intense I needed someone to stop it, or take it over cause I couldn't anymore. I remember forgetting that pain quite quickly once it was over though. The miracle of nature.

I remember the first night with my eldest was long and scary, my first night with my youngest was also long but it was a lot less scary -  amazing what a difference 2 years of motherhood does for ones confidence.

I didn't want any photos to be taken or a movie to be made... not sure why... but in hindsight I wish I had. Even though I was the most important person in the room I think I was the least present, the least aware of what was happening around me or to me. Perhaps we drift to another dimension in order to get through the experience,  perhaps our brains are trained not to file any memories of a birth or a second child will never be on the cards. I don't know if it is just me that remembers it in such a haze but it would actually be quite interesting to see it from another perspective.

Maybe I should just watch those TV births and own the events as my own...